Hurricane
by Aiedail Choupette
Summary: "No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breathe" SongFic, based on the song by 30 Seconds to Mars, T to be safe, ArMor.


**Hi,**

this story is pure nonsense. I took every word's first letter of Hurricane (song by Thirty Seconds to Mars), and I wrote my text with it. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Check out my amazing beta Garonne !

**Disclaimer : **_I own nothing._

* * *

><p><strong>Hurricane :<br>**

**No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave**

No matter how hard she had tried, she had failed. Magic wasn't surrounding her, it was buried deep inside her, it defined her. Help was never coming, and help never came, in the end. Murdering her father and hating her brother because of what she was and what they were not was the only path she could follow, now. The pain of hating was much worse than the pain of discovering you were different, but hatred, hatred could give you so much will, so much power.

Though she was alone, she couldn't bring herself to seek the company of others. You would do the same if the people you used to call friends had betrayed you in such a way. They had done nothing, they had seen Morgana wasn't the same anymore but they hadn't cared enough, hadn't cared at all. Merlin had thought he knew better, had poisoned her.

You would do the same as Morgana if your father had denied you. Why shouldn't she take what was her very right to take? The throne was hers and always had been. Lies had led Uther to nowhere but death.

**No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breathe**

No matter how hard she had struggled, life had led to nothing. Magic was here, always. Hope was overrated. Magic was here to replace the people who had left her in the shadows of despair. Battles were hard, sometimes she bled, but it was never as difficult as seeing Camelot disappear and not being able to turn back to catch a last glimpse of it.

The love she had had in her, the love she thought was too much, that was going to prevent her from breathing because it was so pure, so beautiful, so much for a simple human being, the love had vanished.

You could think so.

The love she had had in her was still there, actually, burning her, drowning her, killing her. Yet she hated the object of this passion. She couldn't love, she prevented herself from doing so. Cats muttered words no human ear could grasp, at night, and, trying to hide from the moon, she attempted to kill that love.

But she knew it was all in vain, for she could never win against Arthur.

**No matter how many nights that you'd lie wide awake to the sound of a poison rain  
><strong>

Night was upon her. Murder was her life. Healing her heart of the constant bleeding of betrayal was her purpose. Midnight was the time of day she was the most alive. Neither she nor her sister could have foreseen the mistakes Morgana was going to make.

The love she felt for Arthur was her first mistake and a deadly one.

Yesterday she had been the beautiful ward of Camelot. Lords and Ladies had been respecting respected her, bowing, smiling. Warriors had fought for her. At night she had drunk the finest wines, which had been served in her honor.

Today she was excluded. Today she was alone.

Snakes were moving with an fascinating grace in front of her delirious eyes.

Out of the forest, in the world she had once known, snakes were killed just because of their very existence. And the sorcerers were killed for the same reason.

Princes and princesses were dancing in the banquet room hall of Camelot, Arthur was dancing with Gwen.

Rage was Morgana's only friend, only love.

**Where did you go?  
>Where did you go?<br>Where did you go?  
><strong>

When she learnt Uther was dead, when she felt it, she couldn't bring herself to be happy. Difficult as it might have been to live with him and to stand up to him, her whole body, her soul didn't want to ignore the fact that the man lying on that bed, far away from her, was her father.

Yesterday, she had loved him.

God knows that this, at least, was entirely true.

**As days go by the nights on fire  
><strong>

As she walked further and further into the forest to escape from the knights of Camelot, she thought of the irony of it all. Despite everything she had done, they always knew and always won. Going away was the only solution, now.

Blinded by the rain, deaf because of her own blood shouting in her ears, she couldn't see the knights near her, she couldn't hear their screams, but she could _feel_ them.

Tomorrow, she would be executed.

Night and day, she had fought; she wasn't about to give up. Obviously, Arthur knew that. First, she felt she was alone, at last; and then he was there.

**Tell me would you kill to save a life  
>Tell me would you kill to prove you're right<br>Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn  
>This hurricane's chasing us all underground<br>**

"Tell me Morgana, tell me: are you going to kill me?"

Morning had been difficult, because Morgana had caught a glimpse of a knight walking around, when she should have been safe. When she thought she had found in Arthur's uncle a trustworthy ally, he had betrayed her too.

"You are going to try to kill me, so I don't see another solution."

Knights were far away, she could hear it now that her blood had stopped beating in her ears. The Prince approached, slowly, carefully, like you approach a wild animal. She felt the blood was burning her whole body, now that he was close.

And he stood in front of her, and let go of his sword; he looked at her.

Love unbound itself, deep inside in Morgana's soul.

**No matter how many deaths that I'll die, I will never forget**

Now, it was her time to give up.

Merlin was not there, she noticed. His servant, his best friend was not there. Maybe it was time, maybe Arthur missed her as much as she missed him, maybe it was time to let go.

Daylight, despite the rain, was caressing Arthur's hair, and making it shine like pure gold. To touch it, she had to raise a hand. Inside her heart, when her fingers came to his cheek, something twitched.

Despite the hatred, despite their differences, despite the universe, she grabbed [ou 'grasped'? C'est moins violent ;)] his neck.

"I know betrayal," he simply said.

Words were useless.

"Now," he went on, "I know how it feels not to be understood, I know how it was like for you and I'm sorry."

For the first time, Morgana really wanted to think he was telling the truth.

**No matter how many lives that I'll live, I will never regret**

"Now you know," she replied.

Maybe she wanted to forgive and forget, maybe she should.

Hope was a deceiving partner, though.

"My Lord, it is not because you think you are now my equal that..."

The light seemed brighter when he put a finger on her lips to prevent her from saying more.

"This is my mistake, Morgana. I thought you had to rise until you became my equal, when all this time you were above me."

Life was made of betrayal, she wanted to shout.

"I can't trust you," she answered, "just as you can't trust me."

When he took a step back, he looked as if Morgana had stabbed him right in the heart.

"Not now," she added, "not ever."

Rage seemed to rise in him, just like it had risen in her, many centuries ago – or it felt like many centuries.

**There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames**

Time hadn't healed his wounds. Instead, it had made the hatred grow, like it had made her own grow. And she knew, she knew that, while she thought he was happy with Gwen, he actually wasn't.

For the first time, Morgana truly pitied Arthur.

"I am sorry, Arthur."

Out of this kingdom, out of this world, she could have been the Queen he always looked for.

He put his arms around her waist, and sobbed. He held her close and she allowed it.

"At least for this time," she thought.

And while it was still raining, it seemed to her the air around them was hotter.

Running away with him.

And even though she wanted it, she knew she couldn't.

The thought that Arthur was not born to be hers in this life had made its way to her heart a long time ago. Except that now, it was rather difficult to acknowledge this fact.

"I must leave, Arthur."

Frowning, he looked at her; she ended the embrace.

**Where is your God?**  
><strong>Where is your God?<strong>  
><strong>Where is your God?<strong>

When she turned her back on him, she knew he had the feeling she was betraying him too. Indeed he remained there, glaring at her, and the reproaches she could feel were heavy on her shoulders. Yet she went on, without turning back, and she left him like she left Camelot years ago.

Gradually, he'd understand that she would be waiting for him, in another time, in another world.

**Do you really want?**

**Do you really want me?  
>Do you really want me dead or alive to torture for my sins?<strong>

During the night, she couldn't hear the wolves screaming at the moon. You would think the thought reassured her, but you would be wrong. Rough was the mattress under her skin, cold was the wind despite the clothes.

When the moon was hidden by the clouds, she ran away.

**Do you really want?**  
><strong>Do you really want me?<strong>

**Do you really want me dead or alive to live a lie?**

Despite Arthur's love for her, he was chasing her.

Yes, of course he was.

Risky as it was, she had always stood up to him.

While it had been without consequences before, now, refusing the mute offer he had made was an irreversible act.

"Mistress of her own destiny," she thought and laughed; she would have liked to be.

**Tell me would you kill to save a life**  
><strong>Tell me would you kill to prove you're right<strong>  
><strong>Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn<strong>  
><strong>This hurricane's chasing us all underground<strong>

This was nonsense.

Mordred had grown up so much. When she was watching him, Morgana could see how dangerous he had become. Yesterday, he had been a boy. Kingdoms would fall under his spells, now. The pain, the hatred she could feel in him were tearing her apart.

Precisely because she knew how it felt to hate, she couldn't help but think they were all doomed. Yes, they were going to write history, but she thought, sometimes, that the price to pay was not worth it. Roughly, though, Mordred always forbade her to express her feelings.

**The promises we made were not enough**

Then she knew. Probabilities became certainties. When she was asleep, now, she was always afraid to dream, like she had been a long time ago.

Mordred wanted to attack Camelot.

Wines had no taste anymore.

Nights were frightening, because her dreams were so vivid, because they always led to the same conclusion. Eventually, Mordred would always kill Arthur.

**The prayers that we had prayed were like a drug**

The day would come and Arthur would die.

Perhaps it was for the best. Why would she prevent Mordred from avenging his family ? He was in the same state of mind she once had been in, but she loved Arthur too much to be selfish about it and let him die.

Perhaps her only hope was in Emrys.

When Mordred was asleep, she disappeared into the shadows. Letting go of Arthur was the only way.

Days went by, and Merlin never understood that Morgana was letting Arthur live while the only way to be reunited with him was to let him die.

**The secrets that we sold were never known**

The irony was that Merlin was officially a sorcerer.

Slowly, Mordred was drowning into madness, and Morgana was losing herself into fear. The great sorceress she had once been had not strength enough to change the world. While she knew she should kill Mordred, she couldn't, because she was weak, because she loved Mordred, not like she loved Arthur, but as much.

She was hiding, she was avoiding thinking.

War and blood clouded the sky of Camelot, and she could see Arthur and Merlin growing old, wise, and above all tired. Neither the Prince nor Emrys could know she was still alive.

Kissing Mordred's cheek, she took a horse and left, one day, craving to forget what had been.

**The love we had, the love we had,**

This day, Mordred hurt Arthur. Life was leaving his weakened body, and Morgana felt her blood turn to ice.

Writing history was a difficult task.

Hiding, Morgana saw Merlin kill Mordred, but for the King, it was too late.

Tales of undying love would survive the eras, Morgana knew it.

The light seemed brighter when she knelt next to Arthur.

"We have to let it go," she said.

History would do without them, now.

**We had to let it go  
><strong>

When Arthur saw her, he smiled, and Morgana had the feeling he had finally come to know as much as she had known that their time would come.

Hell could always wait for them, they would never come.

The love they had always shared, in all its levels, was stronger than anything. Life was not worth it, if Arthur was not there anymore.

"I'm sorry," said Merlin.

God, she knew that, because Merlin was always sorry for everything.

**Tell me would you kill to save a life  
>Tell me would you kill to prove you're right<br>Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn  
>This hurricane's chasing us all underground<br>**

Crash.

Crash.

Burn.

Living a life no one had dared to live before.

In her life, she had done a lot of things she wasn't proud of, but she truly regretted none. Arthur would never have understood her. Bound to the Devil, she could only fight for freedom. Then, she killed Uther, but her life didn't get better.

Hope had left her.

Charming the snakes, she became the dark figure of sorcery.

"Unfair as it may be, we could never be."

Arthur never understood, as it was meant to be.

Uther dead, he became the slave of his Queen, and her betrayal was like a knife buried deep in his heart.

**Oh oh who oh ohoh  
>This hurricane<br>Oh oh who oh ohoh  
>This hurricane<br>Oh oh who oh ohoh  
>This hurricane<br>Oh oh who oh**

**Do you really want?**  
><strong>Do you really want me?<strong>  
><strong>Do you really want me dead or alive to torture for my sins?<strong>

Despite everything, Arthur was here, with Morgana.

"You're here."

Relief was spreading through his veins, she could feel it. Wiping the blood off his face, she simply smiled, and everything was well. Merlin, far away from them, disappeared into the night.

Despite everything, they were together.

On the battlefield, the dusk was slowly hiding the corpses from their eyes. Arthur never saw it, though, because his eyes never left Morgana's face.

They looked at each other.

Though she had never admitted out loud, she loved him so much it hurt.

Finally.

Mumbling words she would never repeat in this world, she kissed his cold lips and let him leave this place, before following him.

She was his savior, in the end.

**Do you really want?**  
><strong>Do you really want me?<strong>


End file.
